To Persuade and Connect – Part 2B: Interviews and Parties

 

To Persuade and Connect – Part 2B: Interviews and Parties

 

Good morning, ladies and gents. I was discussing the issue of being present with a friend yesterday, and I wanted to add a few things.

To paraphrase my friend, “pain is the brains way of telling us to learn from our mistakes. We should embrace this learning process instead of shrinking our world by avoiding negative events. To avoid presence is to retreat into your mind.”

This applies to many life events, including conversation. If you have had bad experiences with public speaking or interviewing or introducing yourself to a group, the solution is not to stop trying. If it is important to you and your life, quitting is not an option. Your apprehension of your experience is not meant to keep you from doing it in the future. It is instead your brain telling you something – “pay attention. You did not do very well last time you tried this. Try again but use a better strategy.”

I can take an example from my own life. For a long time, I was remarked as unusually shy and quiet. I tried speaking in parties and school/work environments, but unless I prepared a statement or question, often spouted a random nonsense that was not context sensitive to my conversation partners. The room would get quiet, and I would kick myself for failing at speaking yet again.

But continuing to fail at this WAS NOT AN OPTION. Analysis of conversation is fine- outside the conversation, and only in moderation. So that is what I did. I began with my interview skills.

I culled all my painful experiences interviewing for knowledge. I began to see patterns in the way the interviewer spoke and the way I spoke. The first thing I noticed is most interviews begin the same, “Hello, how are you?” is typically how a interviewer will begin. I really overthought this question. “Hello, how are you?” is merely an introduction and an expectation for you to respond and continue and possibly lead the momentum of the conversation. This is where I spent most of my prep time. Possible dialogues I came up with (pre-canned lines with spontaneous delivery is ok in interviews – it shows interest and preparation):

 

Interviewer: “Hello. Take a seat. How are you doing? Can I get you a drink?”

Myself: “No thank you. I brought some water.”

Interviewer: “That’s great. So tell me about yourself.”

Myself: “[realizing I am applying for a restaurant job] Well, I’ve worked in the food business since I was a kid. My parents own a donut shop, and I learned a lot from them. They recently retired, and I’ve been exploring other job opportunities, hoping to gain experience so I can be more useful to the industry.”

Interviewer: “That’s interesting. I have to ask, why don’t you just take over your family’s donut shop.”

Myself: “Hmm… there is a logistical as well as a selfish reason for this decision. The logistical reason is it simply required a fully committed staff of five or six people. Usually those were family members. We no longer have the required staff to maintain the shop, as many of them are at retirement age.”

Interviewer: “Interesting… and the selfish reason.”

Myself: “I don’t want to get married and have a bunch of kids so I can run a donut shop. *delivered with apprehensive humor”

Interviewer: ”Hah… So give me an example of a time….”

 

Constructing this answer beforehand helped ease my mind and give it both content to speak and time for spontaneity and observation.

So I’m at 593 words. I should end this entry here. The next entry… well I lied last time and said this entry was about listening…

The next entry will be a surprise. To both you and me!

Live long and prosper, gentle spirits.

-written 03/12/21