To Persuade and Connect – Part 2

 

To Persuade and Connect – Part 2

Festive nights, young travelers.

In Lesson 3, we will discuss the importance of being present. Imagine, for a moment, you are in college, when suddenly, the cutie you have been gravitating toward all semester asks you for a pencil. And all that is going through your mind is, “Oh my God. My crush talked to me! What do I do? What do I do!? I gotta play this cool.”

All the while your fellow human has been waiting several seconds for an answer to a simple request. You stare at the person and mutter some nonsensical thing and he/she looks back at you confused. “Well,” the crush of yours says. “It was nice talking to you,” and he/she moves on to the next person.

All that goes through your mind is, “Fail. Stupid, stupid, why couldn’t I have been cool? I should have been cool.”

Then you see your crush laughing and exchanging numbers with your mortal enemy – Jamie from three dorms down. And you vow to be completely prepared next time.

 

 

We have all been there. Whether failing to introduce ourselves to a crush, or becoming tongue tied in an interview, or being rejected for a promotion, we have all suffered the failure of our words and actions. We know in our mind what we are worth, but often have problems expressing our value to the world.

The solution begins with a frame shift. Fact 1: conversations never follow a script. Conversation is meant to be spontaneous, and the only way to learn to be spontaneous is to begin thinking in a spontaneous way.

Here are some features of spontaneity:

1.      It requires a relaxed mood. Be neither uptight nor depressed, simply enjoy the moment.

2.      Pay attention. Observe your surroundings and let your senses naturally take in your environment.

3.      There is no right way to engage in conversation, but there are plenty of wrong ways. It is just like basketball in that regards.

4.      Express some energy. Don’t act like you are on a sugar high, but do express interest in the conversation partner (and life in general) through your voice and body language.

5.      It is NOT a competition. You are there to have fun.

Fact 2: No one is grading your interpersonal skills.

Fact 3: It is less what you say, and how you express your energy. Yes, one must communicate information in a discussion, but that comes naturally to most humans if they are in the right frame. In my youtube video of Blog 1 in the series, I did not effuse energy into the conversation. Thereby, I gave no hints on what to focus on and I probably put people to sleep.

Lesson learned.

Fact 4: Don’t be insecure. You got this.

In Lesson 4, we will discuss the importance of listening.

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